


So I drown it Out

by say_das_name



Series: Ghost of You [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Love Confessions, M/M, Minho is sad, Sharing a Bed, Sweet Han Jisung | Han, This work is part of a series that ends happy, but this work itself is sad, everyone is sad, jisung is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28356702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/say_das_name/pseuds/say_das_name
Summary: The AU nobody asked for and probably no one wanted but for this Jisung and Minho it was their reality. No one expected it but Minho and Felix did not make the final line up for Stray Kids. Jisung doesn't know how to cope this loss but for one night all he could think of was the boy in his arms.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Series: Ghost of You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076666
Kudos: 17





	So I drown it Out

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy the first part of the story. Kutos and comments are much appreciated.

“It was a tough decision... The chemistry of the group is good as nine…”

Jisung’s breath caught in his throat, the entire crowd went silent as Park Jinyoung was about to reveal the final number for the company's new boy group, Stray Kids.

“However, for the sake of the success and future of Stray Kids, I am sorry to say, but you will debut as seven.”

The entire stage and the crowd fell silent as JYP’s response did not resonate well with others. His words reached Jisung’s ears but the delay of their meaning hung just out of reach of Jisung. When neither the crowd nor the rest of the members around him were celebrating as he would expect, the reality of the situation began to dawn on him. 

“Chan,” Jisung managed to squeak out to the hyung next to him, “does that… does that mean Minho and Felix..” the younger was unable to finish his words before Chan grabbed Jisung and drew him into a tight hug.

Immediately Jisung’s arms clung onto Chan, now understanding their reality.

“I’m so sorry,” Chan sobbed into the crook of Jisung’s neck, “I’m so sorry Jisung.”

“Hyung no, there must be some mistake, please tell me there was a mistake.”

“I’m so sorry Jisung, I’m so sorry Felix, Minho.”

Jisung felt tears soak through the collar of his shirt as Chan’s relentless sobs continued. In all the years Jisung knew Chan, he had never seen the older cry this intensely. 

“I’m so sorry Changbin, Hyunjin, Seungmin, Jeongin… I failed you all.”

“No please no don’t say that Chan,” Jisung could feel the warm tingle of tears falling down the sides of his cheeks. “You didn’t fail us.” Jisung wrapped his frail arms around Chan in an attempt to calm his friend.

At that moment, as much as Jisung would like to believe his own words, as soon as his eyes locked with Lee Minho - age 19, cat- lover, a dance prodigy, handsome boy, and most of all, his best friend - Jisung’s heart shattered, Minho’s eyes were glossed with tears and an apologetic stare bore straight into Jisung's soul. He caught the older boy’s mouth speak a weak sentence with no voice behind it, “ _ I’m sorry, _ ” Jisung comprehended the words to be.

Jisung watched in silent horror as Minho slid down to the ground, face down in his hands, as choked sobs were the only sounds coming from the boy in the center of the stage. And from the side of the stage where he stood, Jisung slowly shook his head at the sight,  _ no it’s not your fault Minho, please don’t blame yourself _ . 

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

At the dorm a thick tension filled the space, no one spoke, no one wanted to. No one wanted to be the first voice heard after that night on stage. All of them sat on the couch squished together on L shaped furniture, the only sound that muffled through the air was the faint sniffling from the boys. 

Jisung sat silently beside Chan, who cradled the head of the small Australian boy in his arms. In his own arms, Jisung clung to the left arm of Minho. The silence was killing him and so he lightly rubbed up and down the dancer’s bare arm, playing with his fingers as a silent distraction. After a few moments of playing with Minho’s hand, Minho quietly took Jisung’s in his own and lightly squeezed.

Minho was the first to get up, sliding his arm out of Jisung’s grasp. The younger one held on until the tip of Minho’s fingers slipped past his own. The dancer walked in the direction of his room, not once looking back. Jisung couldn’t take it anymore and stood up to chase after him.

Despite the rush he was in, Jisung immediately slowed his pace as he reached Minho’s room. The hinges of the door creaked as he pushed the door open to reveal his despondent hyung. Jisung watched as Minho stared blankly down at the ground. 

“Minho,” Jisung spoke for the first time since the broadcast stage, breaking the seemingly endless silence. Jisung realized he had no clue what to say to Minho, should he say that everything was going to be ok?  _ No of course that’s not what he wants to hear right now. _ Instead, Jisung opted to sit on the bed with Minho and hold his hand, fingers intertwined as he lightly squeezed it. 

“Just like the first challenge,” Minho laughed, squeezing back.

Jisung himself allowed a little laugh to escape his lips, how could his hyung joke at a time like this? But maybe that's one of the reasons why he likes him, “yes just like the first challenge.” 

“Jisungie, did I not do well because I wasn’t holding your hand?” 

Jisung wasn’t sure if Minho was joking still but when he looked at his hyung, only sincerity shone through his eyes. He felt his own eyes begin to water, just like they had done on stage. Unable to form a response to Minho’s question, Jisung dropped his head onto his shoulder, forehead resting on the shoulder of his hyung, his best friend, his soulmate.

_ My soulmate,  _ he thought, the word described what he felt their relationship was best labeled as. Even if they had only known each other a little less than a year, Jisung felt as if he'd known Minho his life. They were quick to click, though Minho and Jisung had to clear up a small misunderstanding in the beginning - the younger seemed to have been caught staring at the dancer when he first arrived at the company, it was a little unsettling for the older boy. Little did Minho know it was because he completely captivated the younger one.

From then on, after finding that Jisung meant no harm with his stares, the two were inseparable - where one was, the other was sure to be near. Minho always accompanied Jisung on convenient store runs and Jisung always stayed behind in the dance studio with Minho when his schedule allowed for it.

When Minho went on a diet, Jisung was sure to sneak an apple or two for his hyung, even if he knew Minho would try to refuse them, when it was just the two of them Jisung would cut the apples into little shapes in hopes of prompting the older one to eat. Minho never refused to eat them if he did this. 

Feeling as if he couldn’t lose anymore, Jisung places a light kiss on the dancer’s shoulder. The kiss was small and sweet, but every emotion Jisung was feeling, at that exact moment, went into it. Upon the contact Jisung could feel the latter tense up beneath him, it caused Jisung to immediately drawback from the older boy and stare at the ground in embarrassment.

The two have always been touchy with each other, cuddles and poking fun at each other, but never had lips come in contact with any part of the other. 

“I’m sorry,” a petrified Jisung yelped. He quickly stood up and tried to rush out of the room, hoping the older boy wouldn’t hate him after that; however, before Jisung could even get far enough from the bed and hand reached out and held him still. The action was fast and so Jisung was startled by Minho’s reflexes. 

Jisung was drawn back to the bed and was seated by Minho. He wasn’t sure what was happening, but before he knew it Minho had climbed into his lab, both legs draped off to his left side, and was now nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

“Stay,” were the words whispered into his neck.

“Minho?” Jisung asked quietly, he cradled the older one in his arms.

“Just for tonight, please?” Minho’s words were almost not heard by the younger one, but they finally registered in Jisung’s brain he had no choice - he was too gone for one Lee Minho. 

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

Per Minho’s request, Jisung stayed in Minho’s room with him that night. The situation worked out because Changbin wanted to stay with Felix that night too. The mattress was small and so their bodies were forced to be the closest they had ever been before, though Jisung had no complaints about it whatsoever. 

Although Jisung liked when Minho was the big spoon while cuddling it was Minho’s time to be cared for. Jisung’s goal was to make Minho the most comfortable for the next 8 hours, even if it meant awkwardly spooning the older one. He was still very small compared to Minho and so he awkwardly clung the latter like a backpack. 

Despite the situation Jisung surprisingly enjoyed being a big spoon this time around, it allowed him to run his hands through the short hairs on the back of Minho’s head. A thought struck Jisung just then, causing small wells of tears to form in his eyes. 

_ This would be the last time I get to hold you like this. _

_ This is the last time I’ll be able to cuddle you like this. _

_ This is the last time I’ll get to see you like this. _

_ This is the last time I’ll get to like you like this. _

_ And this is the last time I’ll be able to do this... _

Jisung leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the nape of Minho’s neck. It was longer than the one he had given on Minho’s shoulder, but maybe it was because his hyung wasn’t awake to feel it. 

Feeling bold, Jisung did it again and peppered light kisses to the back of Minho’s head. The latter’s hair felt soft against his face, slightly damp from the shower Minho took before bed.

A pull in his heart caused the small tears to spill over and dampen his cheeks. He lightly sobbed, choking back so as to not wake Minho. 

In a low whisper, Jisung quietly confessed into Minho’s neck, “I don’t think I’ll ever get this chance again,” voice beginning to crack at the deepest secret he’s kept to date, “and so I wanted to say that, I think I love you.” Jisung ended his confession with one last kiss to the back of Minho’s neck. 

Just when Jisung had settled on getting some sleep, Minho shuffled around in the bed and soon Jisung found himself staring face to face, captivated but Minho’s large classy doe-like eyes. 

Slowly Jisung realized what this meant and he immediately tried to hide his face with his hands, but once again Minho beat him at his own game and now held his wrists in his hands. 

“Did… did you mean it?” Minho asked as if trying to convince himself.

As much as Jisung wanted to deny it and preserve his pride, his feelings for Minho overrode the initial desire and so for the second time he confessed, “yes Minho, I think I’ve fallen in love with you.” If Jisung were to have been standing his legs would have surely given out by this point. 

Jisung noticed that Minho didn’t say anything for a few seconds and the silence began stretching longer and longer which expanded Jisung’s anxiety and dread.

“I’m sorry hyung!” Jisung said in a panic, “I know it’s I’m too young to call it love, and this is hardly the setting for a confession, and we’re both boys, AND you’re leaving that was so insensitive of-” Jisung was cut off but a pair of lips against his.

Jisung closed his eyes and leaned further into the kiss, it was slow and sweet. The two barely parted long enough to catch a breath each before they were back on each other’s lips. Jisung felt a hand placed on his cheek, helping guide his face towards the older boy.

Lips locked and literally tongue-tied, Jisung’s mind went blank and unable to comprehend this new situation. For now he allowed himself to be engulfed in Minho’s embrace. Minho’s tongue swept along his plump lower lip, but just when Jisung opened it to allow Minho to enter Minho pulled away. 

“I think I love you too,” Minho’s voice shuddered at his own confession, not out of embarrassment, but from the raw emotions he was feeling. The last few hours had taken a toll on the older boy and the confession had pushed him to his limit. 

Minho began to sob into another kiss, then another, then again after that. At first sweet they were slow and sweet, Minho cupping Jisung’s face with his shaken hands, but it quickly turned sloppy and messy, open-mouthed kissing beginning to roam around. 

Jisung could taste the salt from Minho’s tears and sensed that the older one wasn’t in the right headspace, “Minho please,” Jisung asked, taking hold of his hyung’s hands 

Minho tried to free them, wanting nothing more than to run them through Jisung’s hair, but he was just too weak to fight back. 

“Minho please,” Jisung begged, his voice on the verge of breaking, “it’s late and so much happened in the last few hours I’m not sure if you mean what you’re doing.”Jisung’s heart broke a bit at his own words. Of course he wishes that what Minho is saying was true, but there was no way to know if there were when the last few hours have completely destroyed their minds.

Minho stifled a breath trying to calm himself down. “Do you think I don't mean it?”

Jisung tensed at Minho’s question, “no! I mean yes, I mean,” Jisung stumbled over his words, he tried not to be accusing at the validity of Minho's words, but he couldn’t articulate it to sound good.

Minho let out a little laugh at Jisung’s flustered state. “I’m sorry,” he kissed the front of Jisung’s forehead, “I know you’re only looking out for me, thank you.” Minho deeply sighed, “I just wish I had more time, more time with you Jisungie, more time to love you.”

Jisung was ready to start crying again, “we’ll get through this alright? Together,” Jisung whispered, pressing closer to Minho and tangling their legs. “I’ll always be there for you, no matter what.” 

“No matter what?,” Minho murmured back, though his voice made it sound as if it were a question.

“No matter what,” Jisung replied, sealing a promise that he vowed to keep. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know how it was :)  
> The title of the work IS based on 5SOS's song Ghost of You which i was listening to when I was uploading this to ao3.


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